May 1, 2015

A little bit of everything #1 || I have a dream and I doubt it

Hey guys!
A few days ago,I introduced a new feature here at Chasing Faerytales 
called A little bit of everything.

It's an attempt on my part to talk and discuss about more personal stuff apart from books,and to know more,check out the intro post

Having said that,now let's move on to the main topic.

Like everyone else,I have dreams.A lot of them.Some are ambitious,some adventurous,some crazy and some impossible:)
Most of all,I have this one dream that has always been my ultimate goal in life.

I want to be a writer.

And I self doubt myself regarding that.
A lot.

Let me tell you why and how much it sucks to doubt your writing dream.

I've always wanted to be a writer.Ever since I was really small.
Even from the age when all kids are convinced that they want to be doctors,I used to say that I want to write.
And throughout the years that little girl's dream intensified and all she wanted was to write,to let those crazy weird stories inside her head out and express her views through words.

So why doubt it?

First of all,I've always been discouraged. Every single person to whom I told my dream,whether it was a teacher or someone from my family,practically gave me this answer.

As a kid and after that a preteen,I never understood why authors aren't as cool and awesome to these people as they were to me.I idolized my favourite writers,while none of my peers even understood their value.

And then when I grew up,I realized that I should give no consideration to what others say about my dream.

But still,I had to consider them.Because here in Sri Lanka,if you are a writer,you'll die a poor death.

You guys are probably tired of me complaining about my country often,but it's the truth.There's no welcome here to anyone write or do anything that's related to literature and arts.

In fact when my peers learned that I am selecting English Literature as my major for my Advanced Levels,I got the reaction I expected from them.

But there's some other reason why I personally doubt my dream.

I doubt my dream because I am afraid to write.

I have so much ideas inside me.I have a whole notebook filled with prompts,concepts,character ideas,names.
Well let's just say that the notebook in question is my most prized treasure.

But despite all of these,I am dead scared to write.

What if I suck?What if my ideas aren't interesting enough?What if I can't properly word everything that I have in mind?What if,what if......

And every time I tell myself that anything can happen only if I write,not just wonder about it...

I hesitate.

And I just can't help it.I am scared to even start anything.
And this self doubt scares me even more because if I can't write,what am I supposed to do?
For years it has been my only dream so much that if I look past it,I don't even know what I'll do with my future.
And even more,if I can't write,it'll just prove that all those people who discouraged me were right.

I am practically in a turmoil with all these self doubt and insecurity.

Which is why I am dumping all these on you my lovely readers.Help me clear my mind a little will you?
Can I do it?Or do you think that writing is not for me?

Furthermore does anyone want to write too?And do you doubt it as well?

Feel free to leave me a comment.

P.S-Please do leave one,because your opinion will really help me.

Love you all,

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