Sep 5, 2015

When You're The Only Bookworm, And The Pressure's On You

As a sophomore in high school, being viewed as a "bookworm" meant being labelled as lame or boring. People view you as an introvert who likes to stay at home all day; they think you hate parties and the idea of dating. In truth, I am that "bookworm" people at school might think as "lame," simply because I love to read, and I'm afraid of social events.

Because I love to read books, a lot of people told me:
  1. "You read books too much. You should go out sometime."
  2. "Stop reading books and make new friends!"
  3. "What the heck, the books you read are so deep! You should really stop and do something else."

And this realization came into me when they told me those words...

Am I as lame as how they think I am?

Honestly, I have never felt this pressured in my entire life. A lot of people at my school have tons of friends, while I'm still trying to fit in after leaving my old clique. I have a lot of classmates who are already dating, while I only have guy friends as friends. Heck, some people I know join lots of parties, while I'm still struggling to be comfortable with them.

And really now, I feel so pressured because I was told stuff I barely realized about myself. Like...
... Do I read books too much? 
... Do I not attend as much parties or social events as they want me to?
... Do they view me as "unsociable" just because I like to read a lot?
... Is being a huge bookworm this bad?

Looking at everyone at school now, almost everyone goes to parties and hang-outs! They interact. They have fun. And here I am, struggling with the idea of "parties and social events" because of my panic attacks and my fear of being judged when meeting new people. Yes, I go to parties, but not so often. But I feel pressured! Because people are telling me I read too much, I feel like I should push myself to more social gatherings and events just so I could be more "interactive" the way they expect me to.

Am I reading books "too much"? (Seriously, how much is "too much"?)

People at school over-emphasize the idea of "reading books all the time" that they often mistake it to be something as a hobby meant for lonely or boring people. I read books because I love fictional stories! I love visiting new places in books without actually leaving because, let's face it, IT'S FUN.

I don't read books just because I'm a lonely, non-interactive person. I'm not that kind of person who attends social events and ends up reading in the corner. (Definitely not that kind.) 

But being a bookworm, there is so much pressure surrounding me now. I'm not even sure if I'm "reading too much" (Heck, I haven't read a book in 2 weeks now) or if I'm "not interacting enough." I don't understand what people are telling me, but I feel pressured to do what they're suggesting me to do.

Have you ever felt pressured as well? Have you been insulted for being an avid reader?

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